Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
