you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
