I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude i'm inner monologue high
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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