I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
