that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
