Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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