I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
