Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
