So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You may now shotgun with the bride
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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