I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
