went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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