so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
