so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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