Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
