I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
