allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
