Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
