decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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