I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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