My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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