actually, I'm a sock model
please come you make the beer taste better
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
