this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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