So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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