One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
