i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Mom said you looked used
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
