the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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