i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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