Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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