I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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