I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
