why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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