I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
