So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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