frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
