why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
