12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
