Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
