I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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