ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
