What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
