it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
