My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
