i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
