the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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