DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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