TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
