Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
