i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
