UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
