awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
