I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
