I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
