i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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