I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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