i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
