Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
