Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
