He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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