ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
