Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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