i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
