i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
