i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
