youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
