RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
