Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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