Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have fence marks all over my body
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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