If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
