did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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