I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
