I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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