Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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