So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
