I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
